In The Morning

Whenever I open my eyes

At the break of my day’s dawn

When I realize the surroundings

I do stifle and suppress my yawn

I bite my pillow because now

For I have to see another day

Why doesn’t it just end? Why

Can’t I have it once my way?

What is the reason for me to live?

Why and what is the need?

Why has my heart to beat?

Why does my chest expand and recede?

Why have I to be marooned on this

Island surrounded by the space

Where there is no happiness or peace

Neither pleasure nor is there its trace

This world which lives for itself

Doesn’t bother for other’s life

They care not for a soul and

Befooled I believe they share my strife

The tree gives oxygen so you return carbon

For it to prepare its sugar sweet

It throws down the fruits for fear to rot

Not so that you might eat

Why am I still bound to the land?

Why can’t I fly in the space?

Why do I wake up everyday

And have to see my ugly face

I know I am useless

Whole my life is vain

But then why am I not freed

And subjected to the cruel pain

The troubles here are endless

And smiles temporary for sure

There is a phrase worth dying for

None which says worth living for

Inexplicable Emotions

Now I do not k now why I am writing this but then there are a few things you do want to remember whole your life. This is to show that there are a lot of people friends with and you want them to stay no matter the cost that you pay for them. The love that you have for these people is so innocent, so pure and often such people meet in situations where you expect to meet them the least. I must clarify that the girl in consideration was not his crush or even near he considered her to divine to even think of having hots for her. You might feel that why did I even bother to write this story of a silly friend and what were his ways on the high road to ensure that his friend remained his friend you might want to kill me after reading this but do not worry after hearing this my feelings were resonant with yours but then they left an impact.

Now I shall further take the narration in first person n the basis of the talk between me and my friend but please do NOT mistake the person in the discussion to be me. Let’s begin….

Now one of the things that you anticipate and wait for eagerly when you are in a hostel is going back home. The cerebrations of returning back somehow are so inviting that you forget the troubles that you might have to face while going back home but then they do not count ,do they? Now on this occasion I had a whim that I must return earlier than intended so the only luxury that I could manage for myself was a R.A.C. ticket which thank Him was in the night upgraded to a full berth. The person who was to be my seat mate for the journey was a shopkeeper from the place of my boarding and I don’t think that I am wrong when I say finding such people in the A.C. compartments can bemuse you but then money is not divided by brain is it? The engine rolled out of the station and my journey back to my abode started. There are a lot of reasons why you would want to go back home because for you do not have to bother about the towel lying on the bed, the bed sheet not in place when you get up. This is in addition to the fact that you get t see the faces you love so much and these faces especially your parents love you back unlike your classmates’. But the main luring is the food which looks smells and tastes like food must. At around quarter to 4 the train starts to roll and I head to the place I belong to. The afore mentioned man had already begun telling me the tails of his awesomeness which I thought were false because the exploits in this place had to be limited. After about an hour I thought I had enough and I limited my glances at him and focused my attention on the scenery outside.

The time is still etched in my memories and I think it will stay there at least for this lifetime. It was 6-53 pm she had called and I wanted to talk because off late the time we talked had reduced. But then she gave me the shock of my life “look it has been awesome knowing you as a person and you have been a very good friend. But I don’t think that I can go ahead with this friendship. Something you told someone has hurt me a lot; I can’t tell you what it was because I promised that person. I want to end this friendship on a happy note so I don’t think we will ever talk again.” And she hung up and I was left there bewildered, shocked, confused, hurt and broken at the same time. I tried calling her but she didn’t answer and so I resorted to messages some of which went un-answered. I told that she was very important to me and I did not want the friendship to end. I finally told me that I would jump under this running train which I am on to which she said that that would be really foolish, just that much.

Now because she was an awesome person I didn’t want to let go of such a friend. Almost in tears my voice shaking I sat there waiting for her to call again. But then the fool across the seat had begun his thesis on girls. Now sometimes I feel murder must be legalized and this for sure was one such moment but then somehow his talk did not affect me as my mind had already reached the hibernation state. The things to follow are some of my activities spanning over the next four days which I could remember.

I had already started praying and asking His majesty to give me my friend back. I did so for the next 30 minutes and then decided that prayer alone would not help. So I made a mental note that any beggar who asks me for money shall avail my hospitality. I gave every beggar on the train some money and after every time I prayed for our friendship. In this way I had already stripped my pocket of 300 hundred rupees. Who cared for the mountain dews missed this friendship was far more important. I am a person who doesn’t believe in superstitions but his things made me believe in them, a couple of times I saw her name once written on a bus. This I took to be a good omen and felt that the heavens were symbolizing that as I had found her name I would even find this friendship back. It is a habit that I pray every night but these prayers were doubled. I had a troubled but then the other day in noon I reached my home and told my mother about it. She said that if my friendship was true then it would happen again. The next morning I woke up at 6’o clock and walked to the temple which was a little above four kilometers from my place and also gave Rs 100 as offering. Still I was generous enough to give any beggar I met some money I had I also had occupied myself with helping any person I met and was actually searching for people I could help. Meat is a something which sends my taste buds crazy and though my mother had prepared awesome things but I abstained from them.

After four days when I called her I did the talking this time. I told her that she was really important to me and I seriously wanted this friendship to work out. I told her that I did not have a crush on her she was to divine for that. I told her I had met a very few people like her and I wanted her to stay. After a lot of persuasion she agreed and told me that I was okay and not a bad person at heart. Though shaken and not as before but still we were friends at least I could talk to her.

This was the story of a person who wanted his friend back so much and I laughed about it so much but then when I sit back to look at the situation from his position I feel he was correct. You can mock at such people that he went to this length that he was begging for friendship but then for people who do not have a lot of friends every single one they have is special. I myself don’t have a lot of friends and feel the same way about all of them. I later talked to the girl and found that she was worthy of this effort, she was someone really amazing. You can laugh or actually kill me for wasting your time but I know that whatever it is I would have done the same for any of my friends. Love still binds us no matter how hard we try to show that we don’t give a damn to the world

The Last Night's Walk

I was walking with someone on perhaps the most hip and happening roads of Ahmedabad,with someone i deeply loved.She lived in the vicinity so we had taken a less frequented road to reach our destination.She wasnt someone you would rate as hot .She was a bit fat(now this is being really decent).Her face isnt one of those faces you see in beauty shows. But then its her eyes those are amazing. That truth and fun which is reflected in them is truly amazing.Those were the eyes which always smiled with me and reflected pain when i was distressed.They were my best friend's eyes which on this ocassion were close to tears.

She told me that she was really troubled about some things and she wanted to end it.She wanted to jump in front of the next coming car and finish it.This was something which made me shudder. I mean how could she say that. but then i am not the right person for this because i myself am on the verge of it.

There are so many things which do trouble and depress me. For one I am not that good looking. Actually a sardar with a beard(so what if it is trimmed) and obviously long hair. Also I am not one of those cool guys you would like to hang guy with though people tell me i am one of those whose presence is enough to make them laugh.These are a few reasons that have reduced me to a loner who is always shut up in his room,totally depressed and under confident, wants to make friends but cant approach them.

But then is death a solution?every time i leave my home for a month or two to get to my college I see my mother's eyes filled with tears.How much would they cry when i leave forever?

Walking alone after dropping her I realized there a lot of things you want to do but cant. Life is not about losing but fighting on and on. I am currently only seventeen and about to turn eighteen in a fortnight. I have to fight a long battle ahead.

This was actually for those who like me wan to die.Please try and keep fighting for atleast your loved ones and in a way for me as well because every time i read your news my intentions are re-invoked. So fight till there is peace.